In the world of modern dating, the scene is dominated of casual relationships, short-term flings, hookups, rebounds etc. Other – nicer reasons – could include finding a friend someone to simply spend time with, etc. The idea of dating with marriage in mind might seem old-fashioned at this point. Of course, there are many reasons why people decide to date, including marriage.
However, there is a compelling case for approaching dating with a long-term commitment in view. By being intentional with the goal of marriage in mind.
Now what does it mean when someone tells you to “date for marriage”.
What is “dating for marriage”
Let’s keep it simple.
Dating for marriage is a purposeful and intentional approach to romantic relationships where individuals actively seek a life partner with the clear goal of getting married.
However, it doesn’t necessarily mean you will marry every person you date.
Rather, you’re dating to get to know someone on a deeper level to see if marriage is a possibility.
Most people who date don’t usually stay in a relationship if it won’t eventually lead to marriage or at the very least some sort of long-term commitment.
How to Date for Marriage
Be Intentional
First and foremost, you need to ask why you want to get married in the first place. Marriages are meant to be long-term commitments, and – to be quite frank – marrying the wrong person can be costly whether it be for time or money. So ask yourself:
Is it to build a life together with someone and declare your love and devotion? Is it to find a sense security, stability, and protection? Is it for legal reasons? Religious reasons?
Regardless, you need to be set on your reason as to why you want to be married. By being upfront with yourself, you’re also upfront with the other party. You’d be wasting less time by dating around “just to date around”.
Open Communication From The Start
Be honest starting Day 1.
Cut to the chase and have conversations that revolve around topics can help you decide whether or not the other person is compatible. Clear and transparent communication is critical for understanding each other’s perspectives and goals.
Look for Long Term Compatibility
The emphasis on long-term commitment encourages couples delve into the intricacies of compatibility. There are different forms and aspects of compatibility that many may first fail to consider:
- Values Compatibility
- Looking at different values involves sharing core values, principles, and beliefs. They can be related to family, religion, ethics, and lifestyle choices, etc. When partners align on fundamental values, it creates a strong foundation for the relationship.
- Communication Compatibility
- Effective communication is vital for any relationship. Compatibility in communication involves understanding and appreciating each other’s communication styles, being able to express and feelings openly, and resolving conflicts constructively.
- Emotional Compatibility
- Emotional compatibility relates to the ability of partners to connect on a deeper level. It involves understanding, supporting, and responding to each other’s emotions and emotional calls. It contributes to a more meaningful bond and a senses of security within the relationship.
- Lifestyle Compatibility
- Lifestyle compatibility encompasses shared preferences in daily life. As simple as it is, it could greatly contribute to a couple’s happiness. This includes habits, leisure activities, career aspirations, and living arrangements. It could be as simple as whether the person is an early bird or night owl! Partners with similar lifestyle preferences may find it easier to navigate day-to-day life together.
- Financial Compatibility
- It involves aligning on financial goals, attitudes towards money, and spending habits. Discrepancies in financial values can lead to conflicts, so compatibility in this area is critical for long-term stability. For example, if one partner is more focused on living in the moment and buying things for “now” while the other is focused on saving for the future, it may cause some dissonance between the individuals.
- Intellectual Compatibility
- Intellectual compatibility refers to the ability of partners to engage in stimulating conversations, sharing similar interests, and appreciating each other’s intellectual pursuits. It can contribute to a sense of connection and mutual respect.
- Sexual Compatibility
- This level of compatibility involves aligning on sexual preferences, desires, and attitudes towards intimacy. While sexual compatibility is just one aspect of a relationship, it varies per person and can potentially contribute for maintaining a satisfying and fulfilling connection.
- Future Goals Compatibility
- Partners should share a similar vision for the future. This includes compatibility in long-term goals such as marriage, family planning, career aspirations, and lifestyle choices. When partners are on the same page regarding their future, it makes it easier to move forward whenever a new life decision arises.
- Personality Compatibility
- Personality compatibility relates to how well a person’s personality complements the other. While sayings like “opposites attract” are fairly popular and can be enriching, being compatible in basic personality traits can contribute to a smoother and more harmonious relationship. In addition, it contributes to the joy we may feel when spending time with the other person.
- Spiritual Compatibility
- Spiritual compatibility may not apply to everyone, but for those who value spirituality or religious beliefs, compatibility in this area involves sharing similar views and practices. It can also be a source of connection and shared meaning.
It is important to note that these levels of compatibility are interconnected and multidimensional. A strong relationship has a balance of different types of compatibility. As mentioned before, successful relationships often involve open communication and a willingness to understand and appreciate each other’s differences.
Commitment to Growth
Nobody is perfect. Humans are dynamic, and they are always changing. Those who are dating to marry recognize that relationships require continuous effort and growth.
Life will always throw challenges at us, whether it be in or outside of the relationship.
It is important that they are committed to working together to overcome challenges, improve communication, and develop the emotional intelligence needed.
Other key elements would be self improvement, conflict resolution, and reflecting on relationship dynamics.
Remember the importance of personal development and self-improvement. As much as one may love being with the other person, they are still an individual. This involves continuous understanding to the personal challenges and striving to become the best version of oneself.
Conflict resolution involves a healthy and constructive way to resolve conflicts. This includes communicating assertively, listening (REALLY listening and hearing), and finding mutually beneficial, agreed-on solutions.
With regard to reflecting, couples committed to growth regularly reflect on their dynamic. This is a sort of check-in to touch base on how each person feels. This introspection allows for identifying possible areas of improvement, celebration of successes, and an update on the future vision with the partner.
Tips & Reminders
- Be picky, but not too picky
- Don’t worry too much about whether the person likes you.
- The main goal is to see whether YOU like the person you’re dating
- Be with someone who makes you better